Dis is how good I is.

As purrrommist, dis is da list of allada good fings I duz.

• I eatz alla my breakfurst every day....and most days I eatz summa brofur Ed's brekfurst. Dat is becuz I is a verra fast eater and brofur Ed, not so much.  He duz not mind, as he says he was tra-mutt-ised as a kitten when dat peep lady called him "Fat Eddy" and does not wish to ever be fat again.  Dis sum times leads to me putting a big ole bitty on brofur Ed, cause I does not want to be called fat effur, and sumtimes dis is what he is imp-lye-in.

• I keeps mine furs clean...altho mosta the time, brofur Ed has to help with da back parts of me, cause there is more me, than my tongue can reach.  Brofurs are wunnerful helpful.

• I watchez outta da window in dat kitchen for magpies, (dey are birdies with black and white tail feathers).  When dey comes into dat yard, I tells them to go away. 

• I doez not track litter outta dat box in da mornings.  Nope I doez not.  Dat is not me.

• I sitz on dat peep lady's laps in da evenings, cause her needs me and brofur Ed both to keep her warm.

Der is only one bad fing dat I does and it purrfectly normal.

I always hisses and clomps at dat dog.  Did dat peep lady mention dat yet?  Yup we gots a new dog.  He is called a "pooddle" and he is a big black stoopid dog.  I fink all dogs is stooped, but dis one, holy catfish, he is reaaaallly a piece a work.  Sum day when dere is lots a time I will tell you all about him...

Brofur Ed likes dis dog.  He sezs that I shud be nicer to him.  But in my defence, that dog smells like a dog.  Yuck.