Always check before you flush!

Jeez, Louise, can we all just settle down here for a few minutes. I didn't mean any harm when I poked my fingernail into my female person's big toe when she stepped on my tail. And I sure didn't need a manicure. Cats are supposed to have long sharp fingernails.

What were you thinking when you got out the nail snippers? Did you think I'd forgotten what happened the last time someone came near me with scissors. I'm checking every day, but the testicles are still gone. Did you expect me to just sit still and take the risk that you'd snip off something else?

Okay, okay, I apologize, I didn't mean to flip out and knock over your coffee cup, when I flew out of your arms, but that coffee was hot and wet and it kinda freaked me out when it splashed on my nose. But why did you chase me down the hall? You musta known that I'd hit the bedroom door with a bang. That door is always open at 6:30 a.m. Did you close it on purpose? How could I know that the full power of my weight would swing the door open that hard. Or who knew the force would knock it against the wall, making the candle fall off the wall sconce and hit the dog on the head? (Okay, that was a bonus.)

That dog is too jumpy anyway. What gives him the right to snap at me so early in the morning? Of course I hissed at him and puffed myself up. A cat's got to stand up to a dog. And, you have to take responsibility for some of the mess, because you didn't put your toiletries away last night. If the body lotion wasn't on the toilet tank, it wouldn't have fallen into the toilet when I jumped up there to get my shit together. And for the 10,000th time, why don't you look in there before you sit down? I spend a good portion of my day looking into the toilet. Its fascinating. I'm sure you'll agree that based on what happened next, you'll have to start looking before you flush.

As for that male person you live with, whats with him and the bad language? I'm sensitive and don't appreciate the terms he used to describe me. He sounds like a sailor.