WTF - Where are my testicles?

I woke up this morning and found my head strapped into a white plastic cone and boy did I have a hangover. Last thing I remember before I fell asleep was someone saying, you'll see...he won't even notice. He'll be a lot happier and less apt to nip after this is over.

Again, WTF were you thinking? Absolutely the first thing I noticed, after I wormed my way out of that cone was that some extremely important bits of my anatomy have gone missing. Who took my testicles?

You thought I was pissed when you didn't put my kibble out this morning...you ain't seen nothing yet. You and I are gonna have words lady.